Maternity Leave and Marriage
My maternity leave ended on Monday. I intended to write about how I felt or a commentary on maternity leave in the United States. I thought I would learn lessons this week about being a mother, or a professional, or the delicate balance between the two
What I actually learned about is marriage. 
I thought this week would be much tougher than it was. I thought I would get in the car to drive to work on Monday and my heart would break. I didn’t wear mascara because I thought I would cry.
It turns out when that dreaded day finally came my heart didn’t break and I could have safely worn mascara. My best friend once told me I was, “the type of person who can’t stand still while they brush their teeth.” I check my emails on vacation not because I have to, but because I love my job and don’t want to miss anything. Here is my confession: I miss Ellie Jo when I am away from her, but I found staying home all day with a baby during maternity leave hard. I loved our morning cuddles, I loved seeing her first smile, I loved knowing what she needed better than anyone- but I found taking care of the house and farm and baby all day completely exhausting. I missed working with donors and collaborating with my colleagues and strategizing on projects I’m passionate about. 
But, back to my marriage. Derek is a full time student so he is home for the summer with Ellie Jo and this week was his first week as temporary stay-at-home dad. Every day this week when I have gotten home the house has been clean, animals taken care of, and the farm chores done. He baby wears Ellie Jo while he does the dishes and laundry, he reads to her, they do tummy time, they play, and she naps on his chest. He loves it as much as she does. 
This is a gift because it means I can enjoy my daughter during the precious limited time I do have with her and it gives me the freedom to focus on my career.
Ellie Jo will start daycare in August when his classes resume again, but even then the reality is that for at least the next few years he will be more of a full-time caretaker for her than I will. This week he has gotten all the morning cuddles. Today he watched her roll over for the first time. Very soon there will be a day when he knows what she needs better than anyone. 
Marriage is a continuous compromise of everyone doing what is best for the whole family. Would part of me still love the option to stay home? Yes. But, marriage is me accepting that right now it makes more sense for Derek to be home with Ellie Jo. It’s embracing the fact that, honestly, he is probably better at it than I am. Marriage is Derek carrying the burden of the work at home so I can focus on being the best I can be professionally. Marriage is both of us appreciating how hard the other one is working, even if our jobs right now are very different and exhausting in entirely different ways.
Marriage is about being a team and what I learned this week is that we are a damn good one.
Do it all with love.
