When To Quit Something You Love

• March 5, 2018
• Healthy Living, Real Shit, Truth

For years, a sticky note on my computer monitor greeted me at work every morning with the words, “DON’T QUIT. Once you get into the mode of quitting then you feel like its ok.”

But the reality is that I had found a dream job that could easily support my family and I knew how fortunate that made me so it was easy not to quit. I loved going into work. I loved front-line fundraising, loved the organization I worked for, loved the donors I worked with, loved the team I was a part of.

Then one day I was working on a project and I found myself thinking, “I want to go back to school.” That passing thought grabbed a hold of some part of my soul and wouldn’t let go. I texted my husband from a conference a few days later.

“I think I want to quit my job and get a PhD.”
“You think?”
“No. I know.”

Nothing about my job had changed. I still loved going to work, still loved the organization and my team. There was no big event that inspired my sudden urge to go back to school, it just felt right in a deeply true way that was impossible to ignore.
Logistically though it was absurd. Derek was about to start graduate school full time. We had been trying to get pregnant with our second child. We had a mortgage to pay and a daycare bill to match. My income was supporting the whole family while Derek went back to school, how could I possibly give that up to leave a job I loved?

I was  back in my office thinking through the impossibility of making this ridiculous life change when the sticky note on my computer caught my attention. It could be argued it was a sign telling me, quite literally, not to quit. Instead I found myself pulling it down and amending it.

“Know when to quit. Sometimes things aren’t for you anymore.”

The action was so absentminded it almost felt instinctual; like scribbling a note to Derek about having fed the dogs for the hundredth time. I stared at what I wrote and was struck by the truth of my own words. I repeated out loud, “Sometimes things aren’t for you anymore.”

I felt like a kid when a new concept in math class sinks in for the first time. If my life was a cartoon a light bulb would have turned on above my head. Right! Of course it’s possible to love something and it still not be for you anymore! Those truths can both exist at once!  Hallelujah!

What followed was a whirlwind month of applying for graduate school, finding out I was pregnant with that second kid we had been trying for, getting into graduate school, and then resigning from the job I loved.

The day I told my direct supervisor, I teared up in her office. I cried again the day I turned in my resignation letter. It’s sad to leave something you genuinely enjoy so much to venture into such a great unknown. The sadness was intermingled with moments of fear- the day I resigned I had absolutely no plan for how this would work. Honestly, I’m halfway done with my first semester and I still have no real plan for how this will work. But, even without a plan everything has worked out exactly like I needed it to from the moment I accepted that this is what was right for me to do so mostly what I have felt the whole time was a deep stillness that everything would be fine.

It’s worked out so well and it feels so right that I’m sure it’s all part of something bigger than me, like a God thing or a greater part of a universal plan thing. But regardless of how it’s all come to fruition, it turns out when you acknowledge deep truths and know when to let go of what isn’t for you anymore without fear of what comes next, magic happens.

So the next time an idea grabs ahold of you and won’t let go try acknowledging it. Let it come in and sit for awhile. If it feels deeply true, don’t be afraid to entertain it for awhile, even if it means quitting something you love. That could mean leaving a job, a relationship, a home, or an academic program and maybe it will be sad and scary. But if something isn’t for you anymore, don’t be afraid to recognize that. Your own magic might just show up. 

Do it all with love.